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> Jus something on my mind, Nothing else to see here
Alston
post Feb 17 2016, 03:36 PM
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Sam san
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Posted this in a more private setting, felt I should share this since a majority of it has to do with people I used to know In nexus.

Not looking for a fight, discussion or debate. Just putting this out there and people can choose to see it any way they want to, including the people I feel need to hear it the most.


I just had an epiphany about an old mmo I used to play 20 years ago: My enemies were the only honest people I knew, and every person I thought was my friend set me up.

On top of that, those who set me up did things for me that I thought I earned on merit, but all my enemies saw were "favors." My enemies fought perceived corruption that I became emblematic of, while my friends stabbed me in the back because I was too naive myself to realize that they expected reciprocation. Once they were ready, they would prep me up on a pedastol, then hand the mob their torches and allow the inquisition to set my stage on fire.

Being young, when it seemed that my world had exploded under my feet, I set fire to all the bridges around me. I thought it was an act of rage against the success of my enemies, but it actually was the entropy of my own ignorance.

I sought to do good things, alienated those around me who were honest and hard-working, befriended those who had ulterior motives, and then got sacrificed on the alter of vengeance. When I got cornered, I justified their hostilities by reacting explosively and unpredictably. When it was all over, I didn't learn my lesson and trusted the same scheming back - stabbing friends. I actually repeated this cycle several times, within the same social groups, for a good decade before finally washing my hands of the community.

The last person I felt close to, that was part of this community, I cut ties with only a few years ago. With this recent revelation, I learn that my younger self was also manipulative putty in the hands of that person who took advantage of my gullibility and blind devotion to satisfy their own thirst.

And you all wonder why I have trust issues.

It doesn't change anything now. I'm still somewhat a slave to the need for others to validate their existence. I'm just much more aware of it than I was two decades ago. Even I, as an old rival once said, "need a cause to fight for." Guess I justify my own existence this way as well.

After all, I make a great X.O., a great wingman, a great lieutenant, a great assistant, a great supporter. I've always failed as a leader. Perhaps, one day, I'll finally have a revelation that changes my ability to lead. Perhaps I'm always meant to be that right hand.

Anyway, just floating in thought and meditation here. One of the rare times you will witness contemplation instead of criticism or hostility. I'm just in that kind of mood this month.


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Mazel
post Feb 26 2016, 08:40 PM
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Ee san
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Please argue about Donald Trump with Falaris!


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Alston
post Feb 26 2016, 10:10 PM
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Sam san
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QUOTE (Mazel @ Feb 26 2016, 05:40 PM) *
Please argue about Donald Trump with Falaris!

No. Trump is a scourge on this earth and Falaris would agree with me.


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darkmaverick
post Feb 29 2016, 04:28 PM
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Oh san
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QUOTE (Alston @ Feb 17 2016, 04:36 PM) *
I just had an epiphany about an old mmo I used to play 20 years ago: My enemies were the only honest people I knew, and every person I thought was my friend set me up.


I've been there.

Glad you found some clarity. That's how we grow more mature.


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Alston
post Feb 29 2016, 08:07 PM
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Sam san
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QUOTE (darkmaverick @ Feb 29 2016, 01:28 PM) *
I've been there.

Glad you found some clarity. That's how we grow more mature.

I found clarity on a lot of things ages ago. That's why I haven't touched nexus in over a decade.

That just kinda came to me randomly one morning reminiscing about stuff two decades ago. I posted this on facebook for my circle of friends and realized that I kinda want certain people to hear it too so I posted it here. Don't expect anything from them but hopefully to read this. No particular reason why. Meh.

By the way, you were one of those "Honest Enemies." lol


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Falaris
post Mar 3 2016, 02:32 PM
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Oh san
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QUOTE (Alston @ Feb 26 2016, 10:10 PM) *
No. Trump is a scourge on this earth and Falaris would agree with me.


Word.


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Interstate
post Mar 12 2016, 12:48 PM
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Sam san
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QUOTE (Mazel @ Feb 26 2016, 09:40 PM) *
Please argue about Donald Trump with Falaris!



QUOTE (Alston @ Feb 26 2016, 11:10 PM) *
No. Trump is a scourge on this earth and Falaris would agree with me.



QUOTE (Falaris @ Mar 3 2016, 03:32 PM) *
Word.


lol

world peace achieved


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Songa
post Mar 15 2016, 10:14 AM
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Il san
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The enemies made in this game were always a thousand times more honest because they wanted to let you know how much they don't like you. So called friends, on the other hand, were the worst out of anyone. They would oftentimes go behind your back to say nasty things all while smiling to your face. They pretended as if they liked you while they plotted against you. Enemies were easy, some even would come to agree with you. Friends pretended to like you because they pretended to like everyone--that's how they got ahead in the game.

It was really easy to tell when someone you thought was a friend was starting to talk [Content removed] about you. Suddenly your whispers are answered with one-word answers or not at all; they grew distant and claimed they were always too busy. What the [Content removed] were they doing, as you watched their avatar sit in the same spot for what seemed liked all day long? You guessed it, they got into the coveted secret circle! You're not invited, though, because you did that thing twelve years ago that was kinda-sorta-not-really-bad but everyone overplays it as this horrible-thing so oh, god! don't trust that person.

But you say, oh Songa! That's not true, not everyone could've gotten into the secret circle! There's only 10 archons! Oh, silly you. Ok so maybe they aren't in a secret circle but they are in a group of tired-of-the-rant groups, a subdivision of just-quit-already! They are enjoying their time working for a game they have to play, so hey, all of the ranters and ravers must be wrong right? They're just bitter!

Anyway the bottom line is that the game has always been toxic, you have just opened your eyes to realize it. Allowing players anonymity while holding power over other players is always a bad idea. I've played with the idea of returning, under a secret identity, but then I would have to do those boring leveling up nonsense and I'm just too lazy/don't care anymore. Lesson learned, I suppose.
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Alston
post Mar 15 2016, 07:48 PM
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Sam san
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QUOTE (Songa @ Mar 15 2016, 07:14 AM) *
The enemies made in this game were always a thousand times more honest because they wanted to let you know how much they don't like you. So called friends, on the other hand, were the worst out of anyone. They would oftentimes go behind your back to say nasty things all while smiling to your face. They pretended as if they liked you while they plotted against you. Enemies were easy, some even would come to agree with you. Friends pretended to like you because they pretended to like everyone--that's how they got ahead in the game.

It was really easy to tell when someone you thought was a friend was starting to talk [Content removed] about you. Suddenly your whispers are answered with one-word answers or not at all; they grew distant and claimed they were always too busy. What the [Content removed] were they doing, as you watched their avatar sit in the same spot for what seemed liked all day long? You guessed it, they got into the coveted secret circle! You're not invited, though, because you did that thing twelve years ago that was kinda-sorta-not-really-bad but everyone overplays it as this horrible-thing so oh, god! don't trust that person.

But you say, oh Songa! That's not true, not everyone could've gotten into the secret circle! There's only 10 archons! Oh, silly you. Ok so maybe they aren't in a secret circle but they are in a group of tired-of-the-rant groups, a subdivision of just-quit-already! They are enjoying their time working for a game they have to play, so hey, all of the ranters and ravers must be wrong right? They're just bitter!

Anyway the bottom line is that the game has always been toxic, you have just opened your eyes to realize it. Allowing players anonymity while holding power over other players is always a bad idea. I've played with the idea of returning, under a secret identity, but then I would have to do those boring leveling up nonsense and I'm just too lazy/don't care anymore. Lesson learned, I suppose.


Except what I said is true in all things in life not just a video game. True, a little bit of anonymity gives one a sense of empowerment so that they are a little more bold in doing what they did in Nexus, but that doesn't change the fact that they are still the kind of people that they are.

And everyone has ulterior motives. Just like you did with turning my statement into a political jab to serve your cynical views on nexus, and I'm posting it because I want some people to hear it.

But please, life is as toxic as Nexus is. Big deal. Get over it.


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Brant
post Mar 16 2016, 10:45 AM
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Sa san
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QUOTE (Alston @ Mar 15 2016, 07:48 PM) *
Except what I said is true in all things in life not just a video game. True, a little bit of anonymity gives one a sense of empowerment so that they are a little more bold in doing what they did in Nexus, but that doesn't change the fact that they are still the kind of people that they are.

And everyone has ulterior motives. Just like you did with turning my statement into a political jab to serve your cynical views on nexus, and I'm posting it because I want some people to hear it.

But please, life is as toxic as Nexus is. Big deal. Get over it.


That's basically all she's posted about for the last 3 years on here.

We need something fresh, not this emo I'm finally growing up stuff.

I realize this is the only thread with any action on this forum the last 3 months but it should probably be moved out of this section.
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